I know it’s been a while since I’ve last posted but to be quite honest, I didn’t want to bore you with the same ol’ same ol!. In my last post I talked about getting my fair share of fruits and vegetables while eating green, leafy vegetables and a better variety. I mentioned that I didn’t like a lot of veggies and that I needed to cut down on the amount of fruits that I was eating and eat fruits that were lower in sugar content. When I wrote all of that, I weighed 257.4 lbs. I was teetering on the edge of 260 and I’m willing to bet I probably had borderline diabetes and some other health issues that I was ignoring because I didn’t want to know about them. My doctor did tell me my cholesterol was “quite high” and aside from my horrible sleep apnea, I can only imagine what other health issues I have; but I’m not going to dwell on that, I’m just going to do what I need to do in order to get my weight down – so let me tell you what I’ve done over these past few weeks.
Do you recall those fish and brown rice lunches I mentioned? Well, I’ve been making those lunches religiously! Every day, at 11:30, I meet with my co-workers and I microwave my lunch for two minutes and then I sit down and eat my fish, brown rice and broccoli (or Brussels Sprouts – depending on what I felt like packing the night before) and I listened to everyone complain about how awful I made the break room stink I would just smile and eat. When I was done with eating fish and rice, I would open my salad. My salad is the newest addition to my lunch and it’s made with baby spinach and baby kale and just ONE cut up, green leaf of ice berg lettuce. Now, I wasn’t sure how I’d like eating spinach and kale, so I chop it up and mix it all together with a few sliced up cherry tomatoes and a few pieces of cucumbers and some raw broccoli florets and I mix a little vinegar and oil over the top and I have myself an amazing kale salad! This salad is the perfect finish to my lunch and I’m not snacking a sugary yogurts or high sugar fruits. I’m actually stuffed by the end of lunch and around 1:30 or 2pm if I happen to get the munchies – I have a bowl of strawberries and blueberries in my lunch bag. I’ve been doing this for my lunches for the past two weeks and I need to tell you that each night, when I get out of the shower, I look in the mirror and I see no difference. Each night, before going to bed, I remove my robe and when I look down I still see my gut and I think to myself, “When the hell is this going to happen?!” It’s frustrating as hell and there have been times I’ve wanted to quit and just say, “To hell with it!” And order a pizza! My wife isn’t much help, either. I’m married to a tiny, little black woman who loves to put ranch dressing on everything. She cooks Macaroni and Cheese with her meals and she loves to deep fry her Chicken instead of baking it; so the weekends are difficult for me to continue eating sensible. When we go out, she’ll ask to go to places like “McDonald’s” or “Wendy’s” and I’m like, “Oh, GREAT!” It is so difficult to make healthy choices in places where you want to make all the wrong choices!
So, this morning I woke up and after my morning bathroom routine, I walked over to the closet and took a deep breath and sighed because most of my clothes don’t fit me any longer. I want to go buy more clothes, but I’m determined to lose this weight and fit back into my clothes that I already have. So I look for a shirt that I know will fit and didn’t embarrass me too much the last time I wore it. I Then look for a pair of trousers to match as well as trousers that will fit well. The shirt is a light, gray color, so I find a pair of slate gray trousers. The last time I wore them, I only had to take a full breath in and use my belt to keep my button from popping. The shirt is tailored well enough that I can keep it un-tucked and wear no tie and have a semi-casual look. This way I can hide my fat (sort of) and still look fashionable enough for work. Can you believe this is the type of stuff I have to think about while getting ready for work? So, after donning my under pants and my t-shirt and sock, I reach for my trousers with a sense of dread. I take a deep breath and then slide one leg in and then the other and slowly I pulled my trousers up to my waist and just as I’m ready to take in a deep breath, I realize the clasp is already clasped. I look down and rather than peering over a large, bulbous belly to see what’s going on, I’m looking straight down at my trousers’ zipper and I can see that it’s clasped. “…the fuh…?” So, I’m thinking I may have grabbed a different pair of pants, and perhaps these are not the pair I thought they were. I then pull my shirt from the hanger and slide my arms through and when I attempt to pull the buttons closer to the button holes, I notice there is plenty of room. There is no need to pull or tug on anything. As I continue buttoning my shirt, I notice my pants are sliding my but and legs. I actually have to open my stance to keep my pants from falling off. “What the hell is going on?“
Once I was fully dressed, My shirt looked normal and I actually didn’t look like “Tommy Boy” singing “fat guy in a little coat“. Just then I remembered my sport coat. The last time I wore it, I couldn’t get the coat to close because I was so big. I reached in and grabbed my coat and slid it on and grabbed at the buttons and pulled. I was able to get the coat to close, but it was still a bit tight on the buttons. I now have a new goal to strive for!
Today is FAT TUESDAY!
The Break room table is FULL of Giant Cinnamon Buns; Cookies and donuts! I’m in FAT MAN HELL! But I’m staying in my office and snacking on my grapefruit and hard boiled eggs and praying I can make it until Lunchtime.
GOD! Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change!
The Courage to Change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference!
This morning I put on my trousers and FELT the difference when I buttoned my waist. My belt needed an extra notch and my shirt fit better. I may not be able to “see” the difference from what I’m doing but I’m DEFINITELY feeling a difference!
I’m not stopping! I CAN DO THIS!